7年过去了

羽球决赛后我问你待会儿有没有要赶回去， 晚上十点多了。

你从芙蓉开了一个小时车赴约。 你说没事， 到几点都可以。 我问你想找个比较安静的地方还是吵杂的酒吧？ 不然酒吧吧， 热闹些， 周六夜晚。

你开车， 我导航。

7年了， 你还是没有变。 我在你面前也似乎没有变。 其实这七年来心里深处有一块就是缺失的， 你知道我也知道。 你早已经知道。

都过去了， 也过得很久了。

谢谢你让17岁的我学到了成年礼最重要的一课。

有时候我真的蛮难过的， 尤其当时候的错过和失去。 如果那时候没有冲动， 如果那时候没有执着， 可能这7年就不需要一个人去面对这些让人惧怕的世界。

你啤酒后说出你的一点点迷茫， 我鸡尾酒后道出失意时的孤单。 我越是跟你说， 越是说不出， 想让你知道说他妈的， 这几年没有你其实有时挺难过。

可能你都知道。 你早就知道了，你说。 所以你一直都没有离开过。

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.

Some life lessons from Guru

There are many questions came across my mind these days. It's a form of awakening, or perhaps in a stage when you started to ponder the purpose of life. There are varies factors triggered the feeling of lost and loneliness. They aren't a good feeling as it is a stage of emotional growth where take a long time for ones to evolve.

Here are some conversations I had with my Guru, Patrick in the past months.

We talk about loneliness.

If no one can understand you if you were the only one left in this world, would u be able to give that same joy, love and affection to yourself. This is inevitable cause despite the family friends n companions we gather along the way in life, we are ultimately left to ourselves in the end. Each one of us, all our love ones hv their own life to lead and develop. We can be there for them and in turn they are there for us, but ultimately cultivation has to be done by the self alone. That is the essence of life. It is a progress n evolution n eventually transmutation n transformation. Similar to the development of a diamond from coal over many many aeons. Loving another develops our loving nature, helping others develops our compassion, being true to others and oneself develops our integrity. It is the development of character that counts in the end, that is something we should strive for.

is it true that some ppl said keep making urseld busy, get involved into some social works, going nature, meet new ppl, and I will be fine?

Yea, it's a form of distraction , still going outwards to seek happiness and meaning. Ultimately in the end you'll still hv to come back to yourself.

how can we observe the change and how do we evaluate on our progress?

When we no longer attract the same patterns that as before , patterns that are not conducive to our growth. It the patterns are still there , it means we still need to learn from the experience.

Hv to be mindful of your choices in life.

Choices in life, does it include balance between dreams and reality? How do u see between the reality and what our heart tells us to do?

Choices are driven by intent. Whenever we chose to do something we need to ask ourself what is the motivating factor. That is most important. Is it done out of fear, or out of genuine love for oneself and the other. Sometimes difficult choices hv to be made for the greater good.... You ask about reality and the heart, what the difference is- reality is what u make of it, that's why people operate on different levels of realities depending on their level of consciousness. One who aligns his pure heart with reality and follows that path , finds peace n happiness.

For now go back to intent n purpose.

Align pure heart with reality is indeed a very deep thing to handle. but is true. follow our heart will make us influenced by our emotions, can it still considered smth good?

Ah that's why I said a pure heart, not one that's controlled by emotions. That's why as a start, try to monitor your intent n motivations behind your choices first.

I still go on with my daily routine, not very busy kind of routine. but I feel the self thought things and the emotions stuff drain away a lot of my energy sometimes.

When u talk to the self as a form of therapy , u take the form of a detached observer posing questions to your emotional self. When u are lost in your 'thoughts' u are not detached , you are compounding the intense feelings and magnifying it by attaching yourself more to the emotions associated with the situation.

I come across this question again and again this week. what is the purpose of life, if we are coming to the world naked and eventually we r going to leave empty-handed too? i have try to get the answer thru my religion, passionate in doing things etc in the past 2 decades, but when i halt everything, it comes to my mind,: "what's then?"

And then we will eventually leave the world and that's it?

It's like the analogy of coal n carbon bring transformed into a diamond. Bit by bit little by little.

We do not leave the world , we return repeatedly like an actor assuming different roles n masks. Playing different parts n perspectives. What eventually matters is that the actor himself hones n develops his skill.

I understand how u feel, I've had similar questions too. The Buddha too had similar questions n he pondered over it, reflected about it and found that it was impossible to answer it through rational thought alone. One had to understand the nature of existence n reality by first understanding universal laws though inducing a state of higher consciousness - meditation.

The universal laws which he uncovered was three aspects that mark human existence- suffering, impermance, and non self .

It is therefore the quest of all sentient beings to seek the opposites- that of ultimate happiness, permanence, and self.

Different religions hv different answers to it

Most faith based religions rely on trust in an external power to save them to achieve the three main aspects

However , it is my personal view that it is through individual effort alone which counts in the end

The development of inner resources lifetime after lifetime.

We talk about humans, some humans that had intentionally or unintentionally hurt us.

People hv light and shadow aspects to their characters. Many are not conscious about the hurts they inflict onto others cause they are unaware about their darker aspects. It comes up when they are not "conscious" of it. That's why self reflection is always a useful tool. But it doesn't matter, what matters now is that you let go of this person... Not just physically but emotionally too. The wound is still there only if u cling on to the hurts n the emotional bondage of the past. Let it go. Not only will you be happier, but you are releasing the energy plugged into the past to manifest a life that is awaiting for you.